~ Out with the New, in with the Old. ~

She blocks out the world around her.

Time passes by slowly like still pictures playing in her mind.

Where indeed does she belong, she wonders.

She thought she had it all figured out.

Then again, didn't she tell herself the same thing a long time ago?

It's the same crap just different day.

In the end, it feels like nothing has change.

Yet, when she looks back it all seems so different.

What matters?

Does anything actually matter anymore?

Noise.
She can't seem to hear it but she knows it's there.

Blocking out the world.

Her world seems so empty now without sound.

She's been trying to block out everything for such a long time.

Now that it has happened, she feels lonely.

It's not the same kind of loneliness but it still makes her lonely.

Does it matter anymore?

Should it?

So why does it actually hurt?

Why does it hurt so much?

She manages to Block out the world.

But right now at this moment, she wants it back.

Sakura's Memoirs

16 Dec 2010 

12.22am

... Another Super Short Story ...

I touched my lips slowly.

I closed my eyes and I could feel his lips gently brushing against mine, softly kissing me. I felt him in front of me. His hands around my waist, pulling me much closer towards him, kissing me deeply this time. I didn't want this to end.

It felt like an eternity before I opened my eyes again.
I was standing alone, my mind completely betraying me of my senses.

He wasn't there. He was never there at all.

I looked into the mirror and stared back at the person looking back at me. Without warning, a sudden wave of emotions flooded me.
Sadness, Emptiness, Regret, Loneliness; filled me to the core of my soul and i broke down, crying my heart out.

What would I give to have it all back...

To have him back again..

~ Renee

2009 ~

... My Super Super Duper Short Story ...

I looked deep into her eyes.

My feelings suppressed by my ego, my voice failed me as words refuse to surface. All that I wanted was to hold her close to me. She looked at me in confusion as to why I'm just looking at her. Instead of reaching out to hold her in my arms, closing the gap between us; I turned around, walking away from this beautiful creature that I long admired with all my heart.Her footsteps indicated that she's following me but stop short for I don't hear it anymore. Too ignorant to find what had happened, I continued walking on not looking back. That was the last time I had saw her...

It's been five years since then...

I wonder where is she now...

~Renee

2009~

... two months and seven days later ...

Much has happened in the time of two months and seven days. I went to London and Paris for a good eleven days. Celebrated my 24th birthday at Paris :) [to me its one of the most unique birthdays i could ever get.] Plus went for AAR's concert just a few days ago during Halloween. What more could one ask for? ;)

My days at both London and Paris were amazing. God was truly great. The people were friendly (all cept for the immigration peeps), the weather was perfect, the places and scenery were amazing and the food was really good. I love it there. My time there can never ever be replaced and i won't give it up for the world. Before i touched down at the airport i was darn freakin terrified! (eventho i put on a poker face.. teehee) Tho i was surprised as how i had easily fallen in love with the place. Funny thing is, it wasn't really London at first sight. More like Basingstoke :) I really and truly like it there and i have no idea why. Maybe its because I had inner peace and that could very much sum up my feeling for that place. I was very amazed and proud of myself that i had manage to travel and see most of what London has to offer by myself. Yea sure having company would be heck fun but this was an adventure by its own and i'm honestly glad that i did so. I miss that place soo much already.

Paris was a little different. I had my childhood friend join me for this weekend trip and what can i say? We had an amazing time there too. I had heard stories and stuff about how snobbish the French people are but boy was i in for a real shocker. During our whole journey, we had the total opposite of what we had heard! They were friendly and very nice! :) I love it! I guess we had gotten it wrong. It's not wrong to be proud of your own language and i don't blame them really. I think we made a difference cause we did try to speak French. So glad that my time at French class didn't exactly go to waste :) The best part about Paris was that i had gotten to be a year older on a totally different place not called home. I didn't really party it out but hey.. Champagne for your 24th birthday and a view of the Eiffel tower from my hotel room window at night. I could have not ask for more. Blessings indeed :) My eleven days in Europe were the most memorable memories of 'o9 :) Thank you..

Last Saturday i had the chance to get AAR (The All-American Rejects) autograph and it was sooo worth it plus its free for me cause i'm a DiGi user ^^ The concert was a little later on the same day at 6pm. It started off a little late due to the prayers and soon after 8pm the concert had begun. The local artist had the honor of doing the opening act for AAR. They were One Buck Short, Pop Shuvit and Disagree. They each had about 4 to 5 songs to preform. However, the highlights of the show of cause were... (can you guess?) The All-American rejects. Tyson came out in a red indian costume cause it was Halloween night. He look cute tho not as cute as Nick :) They did rock the show that night and i loved it. Yea sure DiGi had a few hiccups to overcome during the show but overall it was still good :) So worth the free tickets! Teehee..

Wow.. Without realizing, i had just rambled on.. now that i had realized this i got not much to typed out. tee hee.. Well i shall end my chapter here. Till next time peeps. *muaks*

Ranting, forgotten how much fun that was...

From months to weeks.. It's finally the end of Aug and 27 days later, i'd see myself setting foot and exploring new places. Its funny really when at one point it was all i could ever dream about and now that my dream is finally materializing... I'm at a stand still. Why are people so darn complicated? Why can't we just be grateful for what is right there in front of our eyes? Ever heard the saying 'Count your Blessing'?

I can be such a pest, that is true. I am truly grateful yet somewhere deep down in my soul i can feel like i'm still dreaming. Dreaming while being awake? How much freaky can that get? Plus not to mention how unhealthy it can be too. Well, one thing i had learn to get over with is my over annoying 'thinking too much and for no reasons' mind. That didn't get me down as much as before and honestly i'm darn glad abt it :)

Well, i'm going back to my reading so till then.. Over and out :)

Sushi '09

Okay.. So, i know I've not been updating my blog for some time now. I know this yet i do nothing about it? Right... It's not like i had not updated on purpose. Hehe.. I'm just crapping here. Time to move on with the post..

As the title suggested, we went for sushi! Okay, who has not right? You'd be surprise. My best friend, Piaree, has not tried sushi before! Like ever! Fine, i was over exaggerating there. She's a bit picky when it comes to trying out new food or dishes (sorry babe, i let out your little secret) hehe. And on that note, she made a resolution to try new food/dishes. That's where sushi came into the picture. We picked Umaiya as our little eatery on one of the day after work. Barney, Nadia, Mini, Rae and myself were those who went for it, Piaree being in the spot light of course. It was a nice, simple and quiet place but with us being there (meaning me, Rae and Mini) it wasn't quiet for long. Rae did the odering since she has been to the place before. Once the food has been ordered, we just chatted away till it arrives.

It didn't take long for the food to arrive and soon it was the moment of truth! Hehe. Piaree didn't really mind sushi.. I guess sashimi and most of the semi raw stuff are not her thing. Can't blame her you know. Everyone has a set of likes and dislikes.. I'm just happy she even decided to try sushi in the first place! Bravo my dear! Now, enough words.. On to the pics =)

From left: Nadia, Barney and Piaree

Yummy Sushi =)

Mini & Rae

Kays.. That's abt all. Till the next post amigos. Muaks!

Arigatou

Nadia & Keigo :)

Introducing Keigo. The first time I meet Keigo was in the month of Feb, can't really remember which date. He was passing by our workshop with his grandma when he stopped and stare into our little 'fish tank', fascinated by our Lego display on the shelf. They both walked in looking at the Lego display. Both myself and Nadia were standing nearby just in case they would enquire a little more. As soon as his grandma looked at us, smiled and started to talk, we both knew we were in for a little hard time. It's only because of the language barrier that was in our way. They both can't really speak English well but they seem to understand what we were trying to say and we were trying our best to understand what they're trying to say. The one notable and remarkable part of this all is that she was trying her best to understand and learn what we were saying. She was so sweet, always a smile on her face.

After explaining what we're about and what we do, we found out that Keigo was only here for a holiday and would soon go back to Japan, in a month time. She signed up for the month that he was here and will be starting the week after. Keigo was beyond shy that first day that I met him. Only when i spoke a bit of Japanese to him (courtesy of the countless of animes and Japanese songs that i watch and listen to, hehe) that he looks up and smiles. I smiled back at him and without realizing, he had somehow weave his way into my heart and made a small spot for him there.

When I first became an instructor, I had told myself that I should treat the kids I meet equally and not have any that I liked more than the rest. I never realized that I was only fooling myself. It was somehow difficult to walk the talk, you know. I liked Keigo the first time I had meet him and during that one month teaching period that we had with him (there were a few days that I didn't get to teach him) , I treasured every single moment. The more often he came to the workshop, the more chatty he became and his smile is so sweet, it always puts back a smile on my face when i lack of it.

The second last class came, his grandma brought her camera and started snapping away photos and taking video of her grandson during class. Before they left, she took a snapshot of us with Keigo. It made me sad knowing that he was going to leave soon. The last class he had was on a Monday, 31st March, I know this because I had school to go to and Nadia was on leave. Norm when we come back from AISM it was going to be 5 something pm. Here I was looking forward to seeing Keigo again as Nadia and I were planning to get something for him before he leaves, Ender told me that he had already came for his last class that day and it seems he was sad that his classes had ended, he cried.

At least I don't think that I'll be seeing him again after his last class, I was wrong. Those last few days left in Malaysia, they came to visit us and to give us a gift. It was really sweet of them. Really stamped a spot in my heart =) We thanked them for the lovely gifts and we said our goodbyes for one last time. I watched him and his grandma walk away from CTWorks. Missing him already and still do. Tho here's the good news that his grandma told me. The next time they were back in Malaysia again, they'll definitely come back to the workshop. Hehe =) Looking forward till that day.

One of the gifts from Keigo and his Grandma =)